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Golden Rules for Ensemble Playing

  1. Everyone should play the same piece.
  2. Stop at every repeat sign and discuss in detail whether to take the repeat or not. The audience will love this a lot!
  3. If you play a wrong note, give a nasty look at the performer next to you.
  4. Keep your bass button diagram handy – You can always catch up with the others.
  5. Take your time turning pages.
  6. The right note at the wrong time is a wrong note (and vice-versa)
  7. If everyone gets lost except you, follow those that get lost.
  8. Strive to get the maximum NPS (notes per second). That way you gain the admiration of the incompetent.
  9. Marks for slurs, dynamics and ornaments should not be observed. They are only there to embellish the score.
  10. If a passage is difficult, slow down. If it’s easy, speed it up. Everything will work itself out in the end.
  11. A wrong note played timidly is a wrong note. A wrong note played with authority is an interpretation.
  12. When everyone else has finished playing, you should not play any notes you have left.
  13. The conductor WILL stop waving their arms – when the music stops.
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